Mrs. B, a school teacher, was turning 31. Her students all decided to throw her a party.
"What a great party!" she says.
Then it was time to give her her presents.
Mary, the daughter of the local candy shop owner, gives her a box.
"You'll never guess what it is!" she said.
"Hmm," says Mrs. B "Candy?"
"Yes! How did you guess?" she said.
Ricky, the florist's son, gave her a box.
"You'll never guess what it is!" he said.
"Hmm," says Mrs. B "Flowers?"
"Yes! How did you guess?" he said.
It went on like this for a while.
Timmy, the son of the owner of the liquor shop, gave her a box. It had a yellow liquid dripping off a corner.
"You'll never guess what it is!" he said.
Mrs. B tasted a tiny drop of liquid.
"Hmm," says Mrs. B "Beer?"
"No," he said.
Once again, Mrs. B tasted a tiny drop of liquid.
"Wine?" she asked.
"Noo," he said.
Mrs. B tasted another tiny drop of liquid.
"Champagne?" she asked.
"Nooo! It's a puppy!" he said.
Birthday Party?
Somebody just posted this...
ah, you reposted it. Yeah,
its a lot funnier now
that it has a punchline!
Good One!
Reply:LOL.
Reply:O.O
boy...feel bad for the teacher
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Last day of school joke-star if you like it?
It was the last day of school, and all of the children brought presents for the teacher. The first child was the candy shop's owner's kid and handed the teacher his present. She shook it and said, "Is it chocolate?"
"Yep."
The second child was the florist's child and he gave the teacher a box. "Are they flowers?"
"Yes."
The third kid's parent was a liquor store owner. He gave her a cardboard box with a leak in it. She tasted a crop dripping from the box and said, "Is it liquor?"
"No...." said the kid.
She tasted another drop and said, "Is it champagne?"
"No..." he replyed.
"Then what is it?"
"A puppy!!!"
Last day of school joke-star if you like it?
I like this one, I've heard it before, but it's still good.
-Kids can bring liquor and champagne to school??jkjk
Reply:LOL!!!!!!!!!!!
that's funny and nasty
here have a star, enjoy
keep em comin
Reply:omg, that is sooooo funny! 92/10
Reply:nice
Reply:at first i was like ewwww cause i thought the leek was blood from the blood puppy but now i get it and i think it's funny!
Reply:That was a good one! I liked it!
Reply:te he he.. funny
sidi way rain boots
"Yep."
The second child was the florist's child and he gave the teacher a box. "Are they flowers?"
"Yes."
The third kid's parent was a liquor store owner. He gave her a cardboard box with a leak in it. She tasted a crop dripping from the box and said, "Is it liquor?"
"No...." said the kid.
She tasted another drop and said, "Is it champagne?"
"No..." he replyed.
"Then what is it?"
"A puppy!!!"
Last day of school joke-star if you like it?
I like this one, I've heard it before, but it's still good.
-Kids can bring liquor and champagne to school??jkjk
Reply:LOL!!!!!!!!!!!
that's funny and nasty
here have a star, enjoy
keep em comin
Reply:omg, that is sooooo funny! 92/10
Reply:nice
Reply:at first i was like ewwww cause i thought the leek was blood from the blood puppy but now i get it and i think it's funny!
Reply:That was a good one! I liked it!
Reply:te he he.. funny
sidi way rain boots
What was she licking!??
It was at the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Some flowers." "That's right" the boy said, "but how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said. The next pupil was the candy shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets." "That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher. The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No," the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No," the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?" With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"
What was she licking!??
hahaha thats gross! i love your joke.
Reply:i like that, its funny. lol
Reply:ewww she was eatin dog pee
Reply:that is so gross lol she was licking its pee?
Reply:Oh, that's horrible!
Reply:lmfao thats funny
Reply:they puppy peed in the box........... ewwww..........
Reply:lol....thats kinda funny.....but gross
Reply:DEAR GOOD JOKE
What was she licking!??
hahaha thats gross! i love your joke.
Reply:i like that, its funny. lol
Reply:ewww she was eatin dog pee
Reply:that is so gross lol she was licking its pee?
Reply:Oh, that's horrible!
Reply:lmfao thats funny
Reply:they puppy peed in the box........... ewwww..........
Reply:lol....thats kinda funny.....but gross
Reply:DEAR GOOD JOKE
Want to read a few jokes?
Life before Computers
LIFE BEFORE THE COMPUTER
Memory was something you lost with age
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano
A web was a spider's home
A virus was the flu
A CD was a bank account
A hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And if you had a 3-1/2 inch floppy ..
... you just hoped nobody ever found out
Sometimes
Sometimes, when you cry, no one sees your tears.
Sometimes, when you are happy, no one sees your smile.
But fart just one time....
Bad Cough
Outside a pharmacy in a busy street, a poor man is clutching onto a pole for dear life, not breathing, not moving, not twitching a muscle, just standing there, frozen.
The pharmacist, seeing this strange sight in front of his shop, goes up to his assistant and asks, "What's the matter with that guy? Wasn't he in here earlier?"
Assistant replies, "Yes he was. He had the most terrible cough and none of my prescriptions seemed to help."
Pharmacist says, "He seems to be fine now."
Assistant replies, "Sure, he does. I gave him a box of the strongest laxatives on the market. Now he won't dare cough!"
Congratulations
A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card; it said "Rest in Peace".
The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was ,the florist said. "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, "Congratulations on your new location."
Man Going Fishing
A man phones home from his office and tells his
wife, "I have a chance of a lifetime to go fishing
for a week, but I have to leave right away. So
pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and my blue
silk pajamas. I'll be home in about an hour to
pick them up." He goes home, grabs everything,
and rushes off. He returns a week later and his
wife asks if he had a good time. He says, "Oh yes
great! But you forgot to pack my blue pajamas!"
His wife smiles and says, "Oh no, I didn't. I put
them in your tackle box!"
Want to read a few jokes?
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
VERY VERY FUNNY JOKE!!!!
Reply:thumb up for u u funny
Reply:I give it a thumbs up
Reply:LMAO
LIFE BEFORE THE COMPUTER
Memory was something you lost with age
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano
A web was a spider's home
A virus was the flu
A CD was a bank account
A hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And if you had a 3-1/2 inch floppy ..
... you just hoped nobody ever found out
Sometimes
Sometimes, when you cry, no one sees your tears.
Sometimes, when you are happy, no one sees your smile.
But fart just one time....
Bad Cough
Outside a pharmacy in a busy street, a poor man is clutching onto a pole for dear life, not breathing, not moving, not twitching a muscle, just standing there, frozen.
The pharmacist, seeing this strange sight in front of his shop, goes up to his assistant and asks, "What's the matter with that guy? Wasn't he in here earlier?"
Assistant replies, "Yes he was. He had the most terrible cough and none of my prescriptions seemed to help."
Pharmacist says, "He seems to be fine now."
Assistant replies, "Sure, he does. I gave him a box of the strongest laxatives on the market. Now he won't dare cough!"
Congratulations
A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card; it said "Rest in Peace".
The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was ,the florist said. "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, "Congratulations on your new location."
Man Going Fishing
A man phones home from his office and tells his
wife, "I have a chance of a lifetime to go fishing
for a week, but I have to leave right away. So
pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and my blue
silk pajamas. I'll be home in about an hour to
pick them up." He goes home, grabs everything,
and rushes off. He returns a week later and his
wife asks if he had a good time. He says, "Oh yes
great! But you forgot to pack my blue pajamas!"
His wife smiles and says, "Oh no, I didn't. I put
them in your tackle box!"
Want to read a few jokes?
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
hahahahahahahaahahahaha
VERY VERY FUNNY JOKE!!!!
Reply:thumb up for u u funny
Reply:I give it a thumbs up
Reply:LMAO
Rate this joke from 1 to 10 (sorry if you've heard it before)?
My great-grandmother ran a flower shop for 60 years. She was doing a booming business, when some monks moved in next door and started their own flower shop.
Since people prefered doing business with religious folk, my great-grandmother was in danger of losing her shop.
So she hinted that maybe they to move their shop across town. No dice. Then she tried screaming and swearing. They threw her out. Then she tried threats. They laughed at her.
Then she hired Hugh, the meanest biker in town who had been arrested 20 times for starting bar fights. Hugh went into the monk's place, smashed it up, and beat the crap out of them monks. They left town for good the next day.
So just remember, only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
Rate this joke from 1 to 10 (sorry if you've heard it before)?
8. I liked it. I've never heard it before, but long story jokes are my favorite, and this was pretty funny.
Reply:hehe ummmm 7? that goes a long way for a bad pun : )
Reply:-15 that joke stunk
Reply:this joke is a 10.
Reply:5
Reply:3
Reply:Hello, be fair out here! ur least rate limit says 1, which is too much for this aaaaaaaawwwwwwweeesummmmm bore....
Reply:Funny = ) 7.957
Reply:7
Reply:2.5
I was wondering why Hugh wasn't called snake untill the punchline
Reply:It's not even funny! Definitely 10 ..... negative 10.
Reply:4
Reply:10,,,,,,,,,cute enuf to even tell a kid !...Thanx
Reply:i give it
7 1/2 stars.
i really didn't get it.
can you tell me what it means?????
Reply:The typing gets a 10. The joke rates a five.....it felt good but no HA HA HA
Reply:?
Reply:that was a long joke but would have to give it a 7 and a half.
Reply:I would rate it pretty good for that. i give it a -50. so it sucked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...
Reply:012
Reply:3 i've heard that one way too many times.
Since people prefered doing business with religious folk, my great-grandmother was in danger of losing her shop.
So she hinted that maybe they to move their shop across town. No dice. Then she tried screaming and swearing. They threw her out. Then she tried threats. They laughed at her.
Then she hired Hugh, the meanest biker in town who had been arrested 20 times for starting bar fights. Hugh went into the monk's place, smashed it up, and beat the crap out of them monks. They left town for good the next day.
So just remember, only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
Rate this joke from 1 to 10 (sorry if you've heard it before)?
8. I liked it. I've never heard it before, but long story jokes are my favorite, and this was pretty funny.
Reply:hehe ummmm 7? that goes a long way for a bad pun : )
Reply:-15 that joke stunk
Reply:this joke is a 10.
Reply:5
Reply:3
Reply:Hello, be fair out here! ur least rate limit says 1, which is too much for this aaaaaaaawwwwwwweeesummmmm bore....
Reply:Funny = ) 7.957
Reply:7
Reply:2.5
I was wondering why Hugh wasn't called snake untill the punchline
Reply:It's not even funny! Definitely 10 ..... negative 10.
Reply:4
Reply:10,,,,,,,,,cute enuf to even tell a kid !...Thanx
Reply:i give it
7 1/2 stars.
i really didn't get it.
can you tell me what it means?????
Reply:The typing gets a 10. The joke rates a five.....it felt good but no HA HA HA
Reply:?
Reply:that was a long joke but would have to give it a 7 and a half.
Reply:I would rate it pretty good for that. i give it a -50. so it sucked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...
Reply:012
Reply:3 i've heard that one way too many times.
What do you think of this centrepiece for my wedding?
Hi, I would appreciate some opinions. I am having my reception in this marquee, see photo in 'About the reception' page: http://www.matthewandelise.com/
For the table decorations, what do you think about this?
http://www.flickr.com/photos/27093873@N0...
The table is going to have a silver sash going across it like in the photo (they will be on the chairs too) and in the middle there will be the mirrors with the vase of flowers in the middle and candles around the outside. The lilies will be white and much better arranged, I just bought these from the shop so they aren't as good as what the florist will do obviously :) Each setting will have six frosted candles. So what do you think? Any suggestions?
What do you think of this centrepiece for my wedding?
A few things.
1. I love your website, it looks strikingly familiar to mine! LOL You used wedquarters didn't you? :)
2. I LOVE THE CENTERPIECE, it's so fresh and clean and beautiful!
3. MIRRORS ARE NOT TACKY! They add a wonderful ambiance. I had mirrors on mine and you would not believe the compliments people gave me about them. They weren't our mirrors they were the venue's we just put together the rose in the vase with the stones.
BEAUTIFUL!
Reply:I love your centrepieces, and Im not just saying that! We did a similar one, with mirrors too. But yours is better than ours was!
More flowers needed to balance out the wide vase. Are you going to do the fairy lights and white flowy curtains like in the "About the reception" picture?
**Lovely marquee.. its going to look amazing.
Reply:I think they look great! I like the simple elegance of them and the branches add great height without being overbearing. Once they are fuller the branches will hold better too! I like the mirror too, that doesn't need to be changed. Mirror adds the relflective quality with the frosted votives.
BTW - you two look so happy in your website!
Reply:I agree with everyone else - branches too tall etc but I think the vase might be a bit big. I know you said the florists will do it better, but it looks like there is too much room for the amount of flowers you have - I would suggest either more flowers (which could be costly) or have a slightly thinner vase to hold them. Nice though, love the candles surrounding it!!
Reply:Elegant and fresh. It will look beautiful especially with the white marquee as a backdrop.
I actually like that the lilles are pink, but I guess all white will suit your theme more.
Did you do them or did the florist? They look really good. Maybe you should consider DIY to save yourself some money. I quite like them the way they are.
Good choice!
Reply:the white twigs/branches are too tall
everything else is great but the jump from the top of the lillies to the top of the twigs is too vast
it looks like you thought they were too small without, so stuck them in, it doesnt flow
it needs something, perhaps try shortening them, they look good WITH it, they are just too tall
Reply:I like the reception hall. Youre website is cute too!
I DONT care for the mirror under the vase though. It looks kinda tacky and I think will make the centerpicecs look cheap. The candles look just fine and pretty with out the dreadful mirror.
Reply:I like everything except the branches. They don't really add anything to the centerpiece, and kinda draw attention away from the pretty flowers.
Reply:I'll just merge the answers since I think everyone is on the right track. Trim the branches down and lose the mirror. But otherwise a nice combination for the vase and the candles are nice.
Reply:i agree with the first answer. trim the twigs down a bit and they'll look stunning.
the candles will set off the room and give it a nice elegant glow paired with the lillies
good luck and congrats to you!!
Reply:I think it looks absolutely beautiful and the candles will make it so romantic!!!!!
Reply:I love them! to me they dont look tacky, but just right! However the twigs are a bit tall!
company
For the table decorations, what do you think about this?
http://www.flickr.com/photos/27093873@N0...
The table is going to have a silver sash going across it like in the photo (they will be on the chairs too) and in the middle there will be the mirrors with the vase of flowers in the middle and candles around the outside. The lilies will be white and much better arranged, I just bought these from the shop so they aren't as good as what the florist will do obviously :) Each setting will have six frosted candles. So what do you think? Any suggestions?
What do you think of this centrepiece for my wedding?
A few things.
1. I love your website, it looks strikingly familiar to mine! LOL You used wedquarters didn't you? :)
2. I LOVE THE CENTERPIECE, it's so fresh and clean and beautiful!
3. MIRRORS ARE NOT TACKY! They add a wonderful ambiance. I had mirrors on mine and you would not believe the compliments people gave me about them. They weren't our mirrors they were the venue's we just put together the rose in the vase with the stones.
BEAUTIFUL!
Reply:I love your centrepieces, and Im not just saying that! We did a similar one, with mirrors too. But yours is better than ours was!
More flowers needed to balance out the wide vase. Are you going to do the fairy lights and white flowy curtains like in the "About the reception" picture?
**Lovely marquee.. its going to look amazing.
Reply:I think they look great! I like the simple elegance of them and the branches add great height without being overbearing. Once they are fuller the branches will hold better too! I like the mirror too, that doesn't need to be changed. Mirror adds the relflective quality with the frosted votives.
BTW - you two look so happy in your website!
Reply:I agree with everyone else - branches too tall etc but I think the vase might be a bit big. I know you said the florists will do it better, but it looks like there is too much room for the amount of flowers you have - I would suggest either more flowers (which could be costly) or have a slightly thinner vase to hold them. Nice though, love the candles surrounding it!!
Reply:Elegant and fresh. It will look beautiful especially with the white marquee as a backdrop.
I actually like that the lilles are pink, but I guess all white will suit your theme more.
Did you do them or did the florist? They look really good. Maybe you should consider DIY to save yourself some money. I quite like them the way they are.
Good choice!
Reply:the white twigs/branches are too tall
everything else is great but the jump from the top of the lillies to the top of the twigs is too vast
it looks like you thought they were too small without, so stuck them in, it doesnt flow
it needs something, perhaps try shortening them, they look good WITH it, they are just too tall
Reply:I like the reception hall. Youre website is cute too!
I DONT care for the mirror under the vase though. It looks kinda tacky and I think will make the centerpicecs look cheap. The candles look just fine and pretty with out the dreadful mirror.
Reply:I like everything except the branches. They don't really add anything to the centerpiece, and kinda draw attention away from the pretty flowers.
Reply:I'll just merge the answers since I think everyone is on the right track. Trim the branches down and lose the mirror. But otherwise a nice combination for the vase and the candles are nice.
Reply:i agree with the first answer. trim the twigs down a bit and they'll look stunning.
the candles will set off the room and give it a nice elegant glow paired with the lillies
good luck and congrats to you!!
Reply:I think it looks absolutely beautiful and the candles will make it so romantic!!!!!
Reply:I love them! to me they dont look tacky, but just right! However the twigs are a bit tall!
company
Math problem...?
A shop owner sells a pair of shoes for 39.95 dollars.
The buyer pays the owner with a 100 dollar bill. But the owner does not have exact change so he goes over to the florist and gets change for the 100 dollar bill and comes back to give the buyer exact change. After the buyer leaves the florist comes back and tells the owner that the 100 dollar bill is a counterfeit. The owner, feeling responsible gives the florist 100 dollars from his till.
How much money did the owner loose [if any] in this transaction?
Math problem...?
$200.00
Reply:239.95$
The buyer pays the owner with a 100 dollar bill. But the owner does not have exact change so he goes over to the florist and gets change for the 100 dollar bill and comes back to give the buyer exact change. After the buyer leaves the florist comes back and tells the owner that the 100 dollar bill is a counterfeit. The owner, feeling responsible gives the florist 100 dollars from his till.
How much money did the owner loose [if any] in this transaction?
Math problem...?
$200.00
Reply:239.95$
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)